The South Just Might do it Again

I made a comment on facebook that if we're to survive, the south just may have to rise again. After thinking things over, it might not be a bad idea. We would, of course, include red states that aren't technically "in the south".

First of all, I think we can call ourselves the United States of America and let them call themselves the Socialist States of America. We'll take the pledge and the national anthem because the Socialist States of America are trying to do away with them anyway.

We'll be lowering taxes on everybody and I mean everybody. As a result, corporations will be leaving the SSA and relocating to the new and improved USA. We're not about to nationalize health care, so we'll attract the best doctors, hospitals, clinics, etc. Majority of our military personel are from the south, so we should be able to take the military. SSA doesn't want anything to do with the military anyway. Also, we have oil down here and we'll drill for it.

We have lots of good food down here...friend chicken, barbque, homemade ice cream, and red meat. We believe that global warming is a hoax, so we're not worried about having too many cows that pass too much gas. We don't care what you eat. You can get pretty much what you want. We all enjoy a good reuben every now and then and there are places where you can get a Philly Cheese Steak. You can definitely drive what you want and we encourage you to make your carbon footprint as large as possible.

However, the most important thing that the new and improved USA will do is to keep God in our society. You will have freedom of religion plus freedom to worship or not to worship. We will be a Christian nation, but will be respectful to non-Chistians. School prayer will be re-instated and you will be allowed take you Bible to work and read it on breaks without harrassment. Marriage will be between a man and a woman.

We we will have the corporations, the best in health care, the military, oil, and Christian/Judeo values. What does that leave the Socialist States of America? Well, lots of government, smart cars, tofu and bean sprouts, and some institutions of higher learning. They'll still have Harvard, Yale, Notre Dame, UC Berkley, and others. Along with my Alma Mater, the University of Alabama, we have Ole Miss, the University of Georgia, Vanderbilt University, Auburn University, and others. (Can't believe that I'm acknowledging that these schools are actually good academically. We rule in football,though.) We'll run the commie-libs out of Duke and UNC and take over. We'll leave NPR to the SSA. The media will serve to keep our government accountable to its citizens and will be fair and balanced. There will be no such thing as the fairness doctrine. If you host a talk show and no one listens, you'll be off the air.

So there you have it, the new and improved USA will have lower taxes, a strong military, good health care, successful businesses, oil wells, limited government, and most importantly, God.

I should be pumped and ready to start forming the new and improved USA, so why am I crying?